Carrie's Definitive List of the Ten Worst Things in Life
(Excluding Death, Cancer, Warfare, Taxes, and other such Serious Things)
1. Wet denim. Picture it: You wake up in the morning, glance out your window, and see a fine rain misting. You think to yourself, "it won't be so bad." Ten minutes after you're out the door that fine mist of rain turns into a torrential downpour, and not only does it defy your umbrella by flying in sideways, oh no! Water starts creeping up the legs of your jeans. There's no time to run home for a change of clothes, so after you've reached your destination you are forced to sit quietly as wet denim slaps around your ankles, cold and unyielding. And everyone knows that nothing dries more slowly than denim. Nothing.
2. Missing a phone call from an unrecognized number. At first it seems intriguing, pondering over who might have called while you were out. But then you start to really dig in...start to see strange things in the number... There are a lot of fives in that number. Steve's* number had a lot of fives, didn't it? Why would Steve have called? We're not even really friends. Wait...Steve is friends with Rebecca.** What if Rebecca had a car crash?! What if she's dying and I'm not there because I missed a call from Steve!?!?! And just as you've picked up the phone to call Steve back, you realize that Steve's number doesn't have a lot of fives after all. It has a lot of threes. And then you're back to square one.
3. Accidentally pouring spoiled milk on your cereal. The only thing that makes this worse is when the bowl of cereal was last in the box, because then you lose the option of eating it dry.
4. That awkward moment when your chair squeaks in a public area and everyone thinks you farted. Everybody's all like, "Psh, it was totally you! Don't lie." But no matter how hard you try, you can't seem to get the chair to squeak again to prove your innocence.
5. Running out of toilet paper. If this list were ordered, this one would definitely be in the top spot. I mean, really, is there anything worse than realizing all the toilet paper is gone after utilizing the...erm...facilities? I didn't think so.
6. Slow motion falling. I know you know what I'm talking about -- those times when you stumble, almost catch yourself, stumble some more, narrowly avoid finding proper footing, and then slowly slide to the ground. It's so much worse than just plain falling, because the whole time you're heading for the floor you're holding onto a shining, sliver of hope that you'll somehow find your balance and walk away as if nothing happened. But then you hit bottom. Literally.
7. Realistic nightmares. That awkward moment when your husband finds you checking for monsters under the bed before going back to sleep... Happens to everyone. I hope.
8. Spoilers in facebook statuses. Since Kyle and I keep up with all our favorite TV shows from the states online, this happens to us more often than not. We watch everything one day after it airs on television. I log in to check facebook first thing every morning (it's how I stay in touch with family), and 3 out of 5 times I accidentally find out the ending to Desperate Housewives/The Walking Dead/Grey's Anatomy/etc. Alas. Such is life in a foreign country. Most of the time I refrain from typing obscenities into the offending Spoiler's comment section.
9. Paying for pizza with random change scrounged from the couch cushions. Oh, the look on the delivery man's face when you hold out a palm full of one dollar (and sometimes fifty cent) euro coins... It's usually something like this:
10. Ink stains on upholstery. Even though all around the web people advise dabbing the stains with alcohol/dry cleaning fluid, I will tell you the bitter truth: If you find the stain after it's already dry, you are screwed. Case in point: Brinks burst a blue ballpoint pen and two Sharpies on the left cushion of our sofa while we were out exploring castles. The stains had hours to set before we returned home. We now have a permanently polka dotted cushion.
Think there's something worse you could add to this list? Leave it in the comments!