Monday, August 22, 2011
10 Reasons Why Getting a Puppy is Like Having a Baby
1.) Random strangers approach you with creepy smiles to ask how old your little one is. This has happened at least a dozen times since we brought Brinks home. It's uncanny. I get more questions about my dog than a friend with a three month old gets about her son. Two days ago our pizza delivery man saw Brinks and said, "So this is the little dog everyone at Pizza Point has been talking about!" You would think these people have never seen a small dog before. Alas, our puppy is a local celebrity.
2.) Puppies and babies both spend 70% of the day sleeping, and the other 30% demanding attention. I swear, if Brinks isn't passed out somewhere, he's whining. For my food. For more of his food. To be put on the sofa. To be let off the sofa. Because I'm in the shower and he thinks he's been abandoned. For me to play fetch with him and Fred the bunny. There is always something.
3.) You find yourself telling people how well behaved they are, even though they drive you nuts. "He never cries unless he needs something." But he needs something every five minutes. Refer to above.
4.) Both will poo in your bed. Diapers leak, and puppies can't hold it long enough for you to change out of your pajamas. I have done more laundry since getting Mr. Brinksy than I have in my entire life combined.
5.) Arduous potty training is required. What a facebook friend said about her daughter: "[name omitted]
6.) Both puppies and babies call forth the strange urge to speak in nonsensical "baby talk." Awe, who's a cutie? Who? Are you a wittle cutie? Um. I mean. Uh. Yeah, so how about you go chew your bone now. *cough*
7.) You feel the need to tell them that they're cute ten million times each day. After scolding Brinks for peeing in the house for the tenth time in one day: "Oh, but you're so CUTE though." After feeding Brinks a spaghetti noodle: "You're just so cute. I can't resist." After bathtime: "You make such a cute little rat."
8.) Both will massacre your budget. Total cost for Mr. Brinkles: $900. (That's almost the cost of an international flight, folks.) Plus food and bones and toys and vet bills for the REST OF HIS LIFE.
9.) Puppies and babies both develop annoying biting habits that must be broken early. Brinks' favorite chew toy? My fingers. Alas. (But he's so cute, though...)
10.) Preparing a baby to leave the house tacks at least half an hour onto your "getting ready" time...and so does a puppy. Preparing a baby: Diaper check, diaper bag check, clothing change, bottle prep. Preparing a puppy: Half an hour outside waiting for him to find an appropriate poo spot, a few minutes of puppy-proofing whichever room we plan to leave him in, about thirty seconds to refill his water bowl, and ten minutes to track down Fred the bunny (pictured below) for his chewing enjoyment.
Ranting topics include but are not limited to: Brinks