Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Sharing (Take 3)

Behold, my final Creative Writing assignment.  There were no rules for this one.  The ENTIRE CLASS will be workshopping it next Wednesday.  Check back then to hear how well (or how badly) it was received.  It's a traditional length short story.  As always, your honest opinions and criticisms are welcome.  I hope you enjoy.

A cloud of secrecy has decended around this piece until further notice.
I apologize for any inconvenience.

11 comments:

  1. KM: I received your comment, but for some reason Blogger has decided not to display it... Thank you!!! :)

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  2. I love this. I guessed the ending right as she found out she was adopted. You really have a way with words!

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  3. this was fantastic! i adore the lines:

    "“It’s not a happy story,” he warned.

    “True ones never are.”"

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  4. Your writing is incredible. You simply amaze me. I tried to quit reading as I HAVE SO MANY OTHER THINGS I'M SUPPOSED TO BE DOING but your words wouldn't let me. Surely that's the sign of a person who should write. I hope you're pursuing the dream you wrote about in the other blog. I, for one, can't wait for it to come true!

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  5. Oh, thank you so much! :)

    Elaine, I have very little more than the two pieces I started with. Mostly just a lot of story line notes and scribbled phrases that end with question marks, but it's progress. ;)

    Sarah, I liked those a lot too. I don't believe them, but I like them. ;)

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  6. That was awesome, seriously great writing!!!! It made me tear up a little towards the end, I had a little guess as to where it was going. It deserves an A, I hope that's what you got. =]

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  7. I love this a lot. I'm for the "Carrie publishes a novel" movement!!

    ...or maybe just the "Carrie puts more stories on her blog" movement. Either one works. :P

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  8. EyesToTheSkye: I don't think we really get a letter grade for this one. The feedback will all come from the in class workshop next Wednesday. Basically, my class sits in a circle with copies of my manuscript and tells me everything that's wrong with it. lol. My fingers are crossed that it's not butchered too badly when they're done. ;)

    Molly: Thank you, dear. I put all the stories I feel are worth anything here for you guys to see. I have a feeling there will be more in the summer when I have time to write what I please. ;)

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  9. Fantastic! Since you did ask for opinions... I've worked in hospitals since 1998. Never a veteran's hospital so they might work differently than a regular hospital. I've got five points for you from my own experience. Shifts are from 7-7. Nurses don't get to disappear for 4 hours. Shelby would've gotten axed for sneaking icecream to a fragile diabetic. For the years you are stating they would know why the CHF had gotten worse. Maybe look up the clinical name for a broken heart.

    When I read this it feels like two separate stories for me because of the inaccuracies with the medical details. Your details match up with medical facilities where the nurses still smoked at the nurses station, not 2004. My suggestion is to research/interview someone in that field otherwise the story loses credibility with anyone in the medical field who reads it.

    The rest of the story is fine and is very easy to read. I found myself saying,"Shelby, it's your dad!" It was really a beautiful story.

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  10. Julie: Noted. I'll have to see about fixing that... But the ice cream bit has to stay. It just has to.

    Also, perhaps the hospitals you've worked in are much more dependable than the ones I've had experience with... Then again, I guess it isn't fair of me to judge EVERY hospital on the basis the single experience of one poorly supervised one in the 90s.

    And while yes, Shelby would have been kicked out for the ice cream snitching, we're going with the theory that she never got caught. The poor old guy has to get his sugar-fix from somewhere. As a girl with two diabetic grandparents (who, no, I'm not slipping chocolates to), I know how resourceful they can be... ;)

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Each comment you leave donates one smile to my day.
Thanks so much for letting me know what you think.