I was reading through some of my old posts, and honestly I don't even feel like I wrote them. So much has happened. So much has changed. If I start at the beginning and work my way forward, from December of 2008 until now, I can literally watch my attitude evolve.
When I began this blog, dealing with the Army was only a vague possibility, and now it's...it's just life. It's routine. When Kyle first went away, I thought being happy was over, and then that thought transformed into "happy would be postponed," and now I think I am happy. Sure, some days hurt, and some are harder than others, but that doesn't stop me from being me. Life goes on, one day at a time, and each moment has the potential to be better than the last.
I also see how blind faith and determination to make things work took over. It was like I went into auto-pilot mode. Hope kept me going when I'd rather have stayed put.
But, heaven help me, I can see the evolution of my writing too. I mean, do you REMEMBER some of those early posts?? What on earth was I thinking? Thank God for patient readers. ;) Take this story from last May for example. Sure, it's decent, but at the time it was my best, and now I think it's far below par. Now, I would say the story I posted yesterday is my best, but I wonder if I'll still be proud of it this time next year... Who knows who I'll be, or what my writing will be like, then? I know I certainly don't.
I think the most shocking change of all has taken place in this blog itself. In December of 2008 this page was completely unrecognizable from what it is today. It was a two column minima template with a black background and orange text, NOTHING in the sidebar, a header made on photobucket.com from an image of a pile of carrots, a following of 1, and some very poor poetry. Any of you guys been around long enough that you remember that Dark Age of [carrotspeak.]?? (The poetry is still there, if you insist upon seeing it.) I mean really. I didn't even know how to enable comments when I first started this little project.
And now? Now I have a self-customized layout, pretty carrot-buttons with corresponding pages, 749 followers, more beautiful awards than I care to count, my own meme, a book club, and a even a facebook group. The only things that haven't changed are the name "carrotspeak" and the fact that 90% of my posts have something to do with my relationship.
How did all of that happen in less than two years? How did I go from being a terrified freshman with webpage and a broken heart, to a self-confident writer with an adventure in store? I really don't know. I guess it's all a by-product of that thing they call "growing up." All I know for sure, is that I'm glad it happened, and I'm glad you guys were here for more of the Carrotian-Renaissance than the Dark Age. I hope you're all still around in the months to come... Maybe we'll embark upon a Golden Age together.
PS -- Speaking of the book club, the polls for May's selection are up! Get your votes in by April 30th! We're also accepting guest post/book reveiws this month, if anyone is interested. More details on the book club blog.
PPS -- Don't forget about Shoes for Samantha! You guys have been great about spreading the word, but the work isn't over yet! With you're help, Rachel's facebook fan page for the organization has reached 200 fans! That's wonderful, but we still need more. The challenge was 300, guys, and I know you can do it! :)