Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Sharing

For the record, I love my creative writing course.  Below are two of the poems produced so far.  I'd love to hear your thoughts.  Honesty over flattery, always.


Living in the Smiles 

I remember you running beside the train waving good-bye.
Your hand stretches up to mine over and over again like an old movie reel.
Your laughter imparts essential truth, and I smile my sanguine resolve.
We are the happy ending only found in black and white.

I picture you this way. Hold you
in my mind this way: The way I would have had it.

I forget the way tears salted
our last kisses like a wound.
How when I left we could not date
my next arrival, and that memory alone
preserves the tender
moments that splice us together.
The way your reassurance branded deep:
We will meet again.
A film slips over my eyes to salve the sting.

I live in the smiles.
When they run out, I make my own.


Stains

When I was young I watched my mother
scrub oil stains from my father's clothes
early in the mornings.
Sometimes she was a magician
banishing splotches with puffs of detergent smoke.
Other times she was just angry.
The day she deemed his last 'good shirt'
a hopeless case,
she began to bring home black speckled clothing
of her own. She'd scrub
late into the night,
and after a few weeks of this
both she and my father had a drawer
filled with 'good clothes'
they almost never wore.

Once,
when I'd rather have ran free
than be strapped to the table with homework,
she pushed the pen into my tiny hand.
"So you never have to ruin your pretty dresses," she said.
Still I grip that pen,
and it serves me well.
But each night I scrub the ink
from my splattered palms.

PS -- Please don't read too much into the top one.  It is a very overexaggerated version of a real memory that I thought would adapt well into a poem.  I am not a terminally depressed person; I promise.

21 comments:

  1. I really really enjoyed the second poem. It was very moving. Keep it up! You're like a diamond in the rough.

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  2. I love, love, love the second one. Especially the last stanza.

    If I read the first poem without knowing you wrote it, I would think of you. Old movies, love, and a tinge of sadness. All you need are some pearls draped across the page, and *BAM* insta-Carrie.

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  3. The second one is a winner. If I was writing the first one, with that picture, I would use words from that era. A word like "splice" just didn't seem to mesh with that place in time. "We are the happy ending only found in black and white" is nice.

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  4. Enchanting, particularly the last one. A little slice of heartwarming familiarity: a mother trying to get the stains out of her family's clothes, and putting the pen in your hand. Brilliant.

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  5. Well I'm glad the second one is a winner. :)

    And Julie, thanks for the tip. I've been thinking that the first one was a bit off since I wrote it. Maybe this'll help. ;)

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  6. I felt the second one was good but I am not a fan of sentimental poetry. But, I felt the second one more a story than a poem, not because it didn't rhyme but because it was easy to understand.

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  7. I really like both of these, Carrie. The first one is a bit sappy, but I can understand where it's coming from as I have a few of those sappy love poems myself. I really like the last two lines of the first though. I would use those as a motto.

    Great work! I can't wait to read more of what comes out of this class.

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  8. The second one reads better than the first one, and I love it. :)

    Any plans to publish your poetry? (Of course any publisher would consider these techincally published since they're on the internet for all to see, but...) Just wondering.

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  9. I really like both of the poems. As a poet myself, I think that you did a great job starting thte first one with something one might see in a movie, and then turning it around and showing the reality, just because the black-and-white movie theme seems to fit with the type of romance you have, it just makes sense that the only thing from the movies that doesn't fit your story is the ending. The second one, man, your word usage is fantastic. The way you paint with words is a great thing. Keep up the good work!

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  10. I've got to comment, that this is a rather interesting...coincidence. To celebrate Imbolc (a holiday that's kinda sorta dedicated to the goddess Brighid) some Pagan bloggers are posting poems in honor of Brighid, who among other things is a goddess of inspiration.

    I somehow doubt that's why you shared your poems today, but I just wanted to make that observation. :)

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  11. Carrie, I always enjoy your writing but I have to admit that poem #2 really touched me. The circular reference to scrubbing and the pen in hand --loved it. You are a talent and you must promise yourself to continue to develop your gift no matter where your journey takes you. Honour your talent. : )

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  12. I loved the first poem.
    Honestly I did.
    I had a moment like that once.
    I guess that's why it resonated so much.
    Regarding poetry, I don't even know what a Stanza is.
    But I sure as heck love your words.
    Thanks Carrie.
    Anna
    x

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  13. Wow. Thanks everyone. :) You spoil me for class. Lol.

    Sarita, no I had no idea, but that is a pretty neat coincidence.

    Anna, thank you so much! I was beginning to lose hope for the first poem. I know it has some faults; I've known that since I started it and I'm not sure how to fix them. I'm glad someone likes it best though. :)

    Chicken, I don't think I've saw you around here before today. Welcome. Thanks for your input! I appreciate having feedback from a poet. :)

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  14. Hi there. Your blog is great. Please visit mine too: http://cyglobe.blogspot.com Greetings from Greece.

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  15. Well hello. :) Thanks so much. I'll do that.

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  16. Hey! I just clicked on your blog and saw cake.. I am in total fat kid mode right now!!!!! Love your blog!!

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  17. Heather, lol. I'm quite the cake lover myself. ;) Thank you!

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Each comment you leave donates one smile to my day.
Thanks so much for letting me know what you think.