Monday, January 11, 2010

Square One

Today was the first day of my fourth semester of college.  When this one is over, I will be at the midpoint of my undergraduate studies.  It's been both so long and so fast...but it has definitely been good. 

When I am in classes, I am totally in my element in a way that cannot be compared to anything else.  It isn't like the niche awaiting me in Germany.  It is different, because this place is for me.  When I walk down these sidewalks, I am confident and sure of my abilities.  I am no one's inferior, and no one's enemy.  There is nothing for me to fear.  Sure, college has its challenges, but I have never had a problem with rising to meet them.  Honestly, the only reason I am so sick of it is because I've started to resent that it is one of the many things keeping me tethered here in the states.  And online school?  We all know it just isn't the same experience.  There is so much you miss when you're out of the classroom environment.

So today was a bittersweet day.  It is the beginning of the end of something I used to love.  ...still do love, in some respects.  I walked into my classrooms and evaluated the students around me.  I studied their faces and wondered which of us would remember each other.  I wondered which of us would still remain in attendence at the end of the semester.  I wondered if anyone else was preparing to leave this part of their life behind.  Am I the only one so close to moving on?  Doubtful.  But it sometimes feels that way.

I savored this last first day.  I relished each moment of confidence and belonging.  Yet as much as I love this, I know I will never regret my decision to leave.  I am not giving up, just exchanging an old dream for a new adventure.  Besides, when I finally make it back across that 4,400 mile gap, it will be a whole new first.  I will be back to square one...

**IMPORTANT SIDENOTES**

I know a lot of you tagged me for awards that I haven't accepted yet.  I had the links copied in a draft I accidentally deleted.  If you are one of these bloggers, please email me a link to the award so I can make up a new acceptance post.  Sorry, guys, and thanks in advance.

Also, I completely forgot to announce my give-away winner!  Sarita, dear, you won the drawing.  :)  Please email me your address so I can get your gift shipped ASAP.  I am SO sorry I didn't inform you sooner.

11 comments:

  1. Cute :)
    I guess I'm one of those ;)
    http://thornandrose.blogspot.com/2009/11/my-first-award.html

    love!

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  2. you have an amazing way with words. you had me feeling the bittersweetness and slight nostalgia about the first of the last right along with you.

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  3. i am in my final year of my undergrad degree. i finish up in december twentyten. i am overly excited to be finished.

    i have been at uni for three years {this is my third - though i am a fourth year student - i get a year credited as i have my diploma. which was another 2 years of study}.

    so i cannot wait to have finished uni. i just want to be working again. i miss working. more than i enjoy being at uni.

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  4. I still walk around the campus I attended (my hubby works there) and get a little jealous of all the students and where they're at in their lives. Such and incredible time!!

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  5. I wish I was confident at college. I don't know why, but I've always been a real.. inferior feeling person. But only in school. It's lame.

    I'm excited for the new adventure you'll be beginning!

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  6. I'm glad you had a great first last day at school!

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  7. miss carly -- Congrats on being so close to finishing! :) And good luck with your career.

    Auri -- I'm sure I'll be looking back at my campus days with longing soon enough. lol.

    Kellie -- Don't let college intimidate you! It's nothing but a great big oppotunity on the proverbial silver platter. Make it what you want it to be. Start out every day thinking "I can do this. I am going to be good at this." And don't let anyone make you think otherwise. I know you can find your confidence...it just takes a little work sometimes. ;)

    Sarah and Crazy Shenanigans -- Thanks! :D

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  8. Happy to read you had a great first day back. I don't go back until February (weird- I know) But i'll take it. I like being off!!!

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  9. Your header's the cutest thing ever!

    You have such a way with words =]

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  10. Kimberly -- It may be weird, but it's certainly nice! Enjoy the vacation! :)

    Melly -- Aw, thank you! :D

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