Friday, February 27, 2009

Hooray for As!


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I would just like to take a moment to recognize myself for accomplishing something I'd thought impossible:

I've had perfect scored on my last two exams, an A- on the one before them, and good feedback on every paper I've submitted. The truly astonishing thing, however, is that the perfect scores came on my Math and History exams, the two subjects I am probably the worst in.

Hoorah for me! (And while, yes, I am bragging a bit.  I feel pretty justified. =])

It's wierd, I know, but I do still feel as proud of these insignificant little scores now as I did when I was a kid. Maybe it's because school is one of the few things I'm good actually at...

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

He's Just Not That Into You


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Yesterday Raina, Kylie and I went to see this movie...and we all enjoyed it. While it was a total chick-flick it still contained a huge amount of truths about dating, love, and relationships...but then that's probably just the little detail that turned it into a chick-flick.

We found ourselves sitting in a deserted theatre (It was a Monday. No one goes to the theatre on a Monday.) which actually turned out to be a good thing. We could be as loud as we wanted, talking to each other and the characters on the screen in turn. There was a lot of talking. Mucho mucho talking. More than the usual talking. We could all (or at least I cetainly could) put ourselves into the place of one character or another...it was kind of pathetic really. Almost any type of dater you can imagine was portrayed perfectly. This was the reason for the talking. We'd be sitting there and suddenly realize: "THAT'S TOTALLY ME!!!" Then a conversation would insue about how we compared.

I think that's a universal thing with this movie. It's something that we can all relate to, because who among us hasn't known the feelings associated with pacing around the house waiting for the phone to ring? Overall, it was a job well done. I'd wondered how a movie based upon a self-help book would turn out, but the product was wonderful and heartwarming, and comes highly reccomended from me...with the suggestion that you take along a few friends to share it with.

Monday, February 23, 2009

I'm being optimistic for once.


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[A slightly newer photo for the archives.]

So. Today I'm sitting in my dorm, skipping a few classes. I have the worst cold I've had in quite some time...but it could be much much worse. I am, thankfully, caught up on all of my homework and such, so there won't be that problem when I get back into things on Wednesday.

Recapping my New Year's Un-resolutions List I think I've actually managed everything. Thank God losing weight wasn't on that list or I wouldn't be able to say that. I found the job, I changed my major...I have a plan. I'll be starting a savings account as soon as the job takes off. Everything fell right into place. I'm rather impressed.

Yet another happy note: I got to spend a wonderful weekend with the people I care most about. Events were rolling in one after the other, starting with the Friday night high school basketball game, which I only caught the end of. (Because yes, I am lame, and I still go to high school games sometimes.) We lost, but it was a great game anyways. (Overtime. Very dramatic. I thought Raina was going to have a heart attack. =]) Then Saturday Kyle and I went out with mom to celebrate the new job. Sizzling fajitas and a maple butter blondie for dessert made my night. Sunday was lunch and a movie and a bit of shopping with Kyle's amazing mom and sister. Then Sunday night was spent at my grandma's. Busy. But great. Even if I was more than a little sniffly.

I picked up two new books while shopping. P.S. I Love You by Cecelia Ahern, and The Kitchen God's Wife by Amy Tan. I've already read the last one. I've been an Amy Tan fan for quite a few years now. This one is my favorite of hers, so it's high up on my recommendation list. I can't wait to get around to reading P.S....but that actually might be a good activity for today since I don't feel like being up and about much...

Tomorrow, hopefully, this cold will be gone and I can get back to being a busy little vegetable. But if not, at least I'll have some books to keep my mind occupied.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

A surprisingly good morning:


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I got the job!
I got the job!
I got the job!

Telling Raina and Kylie and Mom wasn't enough so I thought I'd post it here as well.

I got the job!

In a couple weeks I'll be pushing papers around in the Budget Office. And the best part is I'll never have to work past 4:00, which leaves me plenty of time for school and Kyle and friends and such.

Yay! Hoorah! Woo!

Things are looking up. =]

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Waiting So Patiently

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This is quite possibley the most tedious thing I've ever done in my life. He's leaving on March 24th. I both want that day to come and wish the few weeks I have left would stretch on forever. On one hand, the sooner he leaves the sooner he'll come back to me. On the other hand, it's going to be the longest six months of my life when he's gone.

The time that's unwinding between now and then is monotonous and steady. The repetition of school, Kyle, school and Kyle is only broken by events like Valentine's day, my ex-step-sis's birthday that's coming up, the job interview I had Monday (won't know how that went until later in the week)...It's the worst kind of torture, kind of like being told the time and date of your death, but leaving out how it's going to happen. There's nothing you can do to stop it. You do one of two things: Go about your business and hope for the best or lock yourself in and stop living sooner. I wish there was an option C...or that I could skip this weird middle phase and go straight to the strong and supportive girlfriend phase. Oh well. Guess I'll get there eventually.

Monday, February 9, 2009

The Changes Never Cease

It's hard to say, really, how I am. That changes multiple times in each minute. One moment I am lauging but in the next something triggers what seems to be the never ending flood of tears.

It's after these moments that I wonder: "My God...What's happened to me?" I have come so far. I am hardly the same person I was only a few short months ago.

I was strong. Independant. I had "bigger" dreams, "bigger" goals. Some might say I had more potential.

I was going to New York. I was going to take a taxi each morning to a shining building, step out in fagile looking high heels, and spend each moment wisely: Writing. Networking. Proofing. Making phone calls. Doing everything I could to step closer and closer to the ultimate goal of publication.

"Won't you be lonely, scared in a city that size all by yourself?" It's what they all asked.

"Of course not!" It was always my reply. I had no doubts, and no other plan.

How different things are now! Now the thought of leaving for that far-off city leaves me shaking... Leave? How could I? Everything I know is here; everything I love. When it leaves, I will leave, and only then.

Now my dreams of independance have been shattered by dreams of marriage and motherhood. It's crazy. When I look at the drastic difference logically I can see that. How could the same person want both of these things? I don't know. I honestly don't. All I know is that I like myself much better now that I need someone other than me. I wouldn't go back for anything.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Daydreaming

I have a lot left to do, but the little bit that I've done already has not been the fun and enlightening experience we imagine it to be. In fact, it kind of sucks. I've been so selfish...and now I realize this and know it's time to stop.


My boyfriend is joining the army...and while being without him is not something I'm looking forward to, I can see that this is something that he's actually put a lot of thought into. It will help him reach his goals. I love him. He needs this. He's doing it, working towards something. Who am I to tell him no?


I couldn't be more proud, or more in love, or more sure of anyone's ability to make it.


This was written in my philosophy course when I couldn't bring myself to care about Descartes theories. It's my way of telling him he's right, I'm wrong, I love him, and I'm sorry for being so difficult.


Daydreaming

I. How many sentences in a day do we begin with that word...with that letter.

I want.

I need.

I think.

I am...

It never ends, our contemplation of our own state. I (there it is again) don't even know what I (#2) am talking about. I (#3) am bored here, with nothing that can hold my interest. At least nothing around me can. I (#4) am captivated elsewhere.

Out of this classroom. straight out the window and down three floors where I (#5) begin to run.

Run.

Run.

Run: about twenty miles until I (#6) reach him as he is just backing out of his parking place. My hands crash down on the trunk of his car.

He stops. Gets out. Looks at me.

"I love you. I need you. I want you. I think this is wrong. I don't want to lose you. I don't understand. I can't deal with it. I...hope you'll stay." (#7-#14) It all comes out in a rush of tears and a concert of soft slaps on his chest as he holds me.

Then I (#15) just whimper out a "why?"

None of his sentences that answer my question begin with an "I." His reasoning is sound, sure, and selfless.

I (#16) drop my head onto the front of his jacket again.

"I need to do this, Carrie." His one small "I" is a whisper kneading its way through my mass of hair down into my ear.

All my arguements crumble. I (#17) cannot refuse the one thing he is aking of me when he has already given me so much. There is no compromise for these "I"s, I (#18) know, ans so his win, because he has less to begin with.

He drives me back to htis building built of bricks with windows that may as well contain bars.
He holds me. Presses kisses to my forehead. Cheeks. Lips.

"I love you." His second.

"I love you." My nineteenth.

I (#20) come back inside and sit back down, and then picture this scene going quite differently.