Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Finally

Finally I have a set date to offer.
Finally my countdown means something.
Finally I know I'll get to leave.
Finally I can really look forward to Christmas break...
in Germany.

If everything goes according to plan, I'll arrive there on the 28th of December for about a week-long visit.  I could not be any happier about this.  It will have been exactly three months since we've seen each other, and while that doesn't really sound like a long time, I assure you that I've felt each day of it with the same impact as I'd feel a year when we're together.

It feels like it's been forever, but it also feels like it flew by.  ...like things were happening without my notice.  Like I'm waking up from the longest, deepest sleep to find that life has gone on without me.  Like I need to catch up fast so that I'll be ready when the time comes to leave.  Like it was yesterday that we had to say goodbye, and yesterday that I began an emotional hibernation.  But it also feels like yesterday was ages ago. 

It is a contradiction, I know, but that's just how it feels.

But that feeling isn't really important.  It's fleeting.  The pain and disorientation is only temporary.  In the end it is replaced by something much greater.  This other feeling is contained in that first glimpse of each other after so long.  It's full of all the smiles and laughs we've missed, saturated with the longing and the love, fueled by faith and patience, and punctuated by sweet, quiet relief.  It comes with the first easy breath in a long time, the first one I don't have to think about, and I'd almost swear that everything else stops for that one glorious moment.

It kind of feels like this:


Or this:


It is an incredible feeling, and it is coming in just 27 more days. :)

[images via sabino]

29 comments:

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  2. Oh, Carrie, I can so relate to this! It's funny time passes when we are separated from our loved ones. It takes so much time to adjust, but it feels so wonderful when the days start rushing by again, and then the next meeting is suddenly just upon the horizon. You are so good at putting these feelings into words! :)

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  3. I am SO glad you have something to look forward to!

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  4. Congrats on getting to finally see your love! Enjoy every second. I'm so excited for you!

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  5. Soulaima, aw, thanks. :) Me either.

    Kess, yes, exactly. And thank you. :)

    Stephanie, oh, I will. :D

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  6. What a christmas present my little Carrie! What more could you ask for?? And Germany loves their Christams -- they have tons of little Christmas themed little shops all over the place. Enjoy! enjoy! enjoy!

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  7. Lyn, I seriously cannot wait. I'm practically jumping up and down like a kid in a candy shop. :)

    ...EEEEKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  8. girrrrl, i don't know how you do it. and you're so not alone. i spend every day with dave. when we're apart for too long i miss him like crazy. so to be in your position, i couldn't imagine. here's hoping those days fly bay and that week feels like a lifetime :)

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  9. Christmas in Germany would be awesome. I highly recommend if you are in Munich to check out the Marienplatz. They have a Christmas Bazaar that is supposed to be great.

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  10. Yay! I take it plane tickets have been bought? And, I'm not the least bit ashamed to say I'm a little happy that you'll be here for actual Christmas and the day after. We need to decorate and get to baking! :D

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  11. bananas, thanks. :) That's precisely what I'm hoping for.

    Trinity, I doubt I'll be in Munich this year, but after next summer I'll have plenty of time to explore and I'll definitely add that to the list! :)

    Courtney, I'm pretty relieved. I mean, I'd go whenever the opportunity arose, but I'm glad it's after Christmas. :) I was really looking forward to the decorating and baking and general celebratory things this year too. ;)

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  12. Plus, if things go right, you'll have a New Year's kiss in GERMANY!! <3

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  13. Don't let that week go by too fast. Enjoy every minute of it! Glad you're getting to go.

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  14. Hot diggity! 27 days! Congratulations! Oh boy, I'll be you're getting excited.

    Marvelous post. I can feel your anticipation bubbling through the computer screen. Your inclusion of those images was extremely evocative. (That's just the way I feel when I'm deliriously happy/excited. Well done.)

    Good job, Carrie, glad to know all that waiting will come to a definite end soon.

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  16. P.S. I deleted that last post because I thought my first one hadn't shown up and it was just a restatement of the same thing. But reiterations couldn't go amiss, I guess! Congrats again!

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  17. Postman, thanks. :) And, oh, I AM excited. I can hardly sit still. I've been imforming everyone I come into contact with that I'm going to Germany for the holidays. ;)

    PS -- Lol. I thought that happened to me once, and I preceeded to post the same comment four times. I felt so silly.

    Just Playin', thank you!!!

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  18. let the countdown begin!! ;)

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  19. Iva, I've been counting down for a while, but it's WONDERFUL to have it be a real number now. ;)

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  20. hey .. i myself am feeling exited after reading your post.. :) so i can guess how exited you would be for the countdown to finish.. cool.. and each moment of the count down would be so special for you.. wow.. god bless.. :)

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  21. Yay I'm super-duper excited for you to see your man!! I loved this post. I know how you feel...it feels like it's been forever, but it feels like time has flown by! I know that feeling. I can't wait to see my airman. It's been almost 5 months, and I have 15 days to go.

    Hope time goes by fast for ya!!
    By the way, thanks for your comments. Especially the one about my little troubles with the bf. It really helped. I'm so glad I found your blog and that I have someone I can relate to :)

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  22. I've done the counting game before in previous relationships, it makes every moment that you do get to spend together that much better!

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  23. Amy, I'm glad to have helped. Trust me, as soon as training is over, things get easier. There is SO much more communication...

    Andi, yes, that's definitely true. :)

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  24. I have a girlfriend in the JAG who has deployed once and is about to again. I feel so for her husband and others like you who are separated...but I know the love will carry you through!

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Each comment you leave donates one smile to my day.
Thanks so much for letting me know what you think.