Friday, December 4, 2009

The Blogging Intrigue


I have been doing a lot of thinking about this blog lately, and about what it is that makes me love it so much.  And you know what?  It's so many things.

It's the complete and total freedom.  Here, I am entirely myself, with no mask to cover how I really feel.  When I am sad, I express that.  When I am afraid, I admit it.  When I am happy, I smile, and you all smile with me.  I don't have to worry about seeming strong or mature or prepared.  I can be honest here when I cannot be anywhere else.  It's such a relief sometimes.  There are days when all I want to do is lock myself in my room and just scream at the top of my lungs because of the strain from all the pretending.  Those are the days when I come here with an open heart and let however I'm feeling pour into this little composition box.  When I am worried or terrified or overwhelmed I can tell you, and you don't look at me like I'm weak or judge me because I have a complaint.  I don't have to look at the pity in your eyes, because it isn't there.  Instead I find acceptance and comfort in your words, and that is an exquisit thing for which I cannot thank you enough.

It's about the connections, too.  I have found so many people here, people I couldn't have met otherwise.  People who write beautifully and eloquently.  People who have been through the same kind of separations.  People who have taught me to try and live in the present rather than spend so much time looking ahead.  People who have given me more comfort than my friends ever could, because they can understand exactly how I feel.  People with whom I have so much in common.  People that could have been my best friends had we grown up nearer to one another.  Here, the world doesn't seem so very large.  It is amazing to have bridged such gaps with technology.

There is also a sense of total control here that I love.  So much of my life is dictated by school and work and the Army. So much of it is out of my hands, taken only on faith and hope.  It is quite the comfort to have this one place where I get to call the shots.  I decide what I want to talk about.  I decide that this blog is an honest place.  I decide that I want to do something worthwhile to me, and I act on my decision.  I can't tell you how sweet a satisfaction that is on days when I'm feeling stuck.  Sometimes trying to balance my life and Kyle's makes me feel like I'm involved in an elaborate circus act:  juggling the different and opposing rules by which we live.  Here though, I lay those fears and problems bare, and instead of my issues being up in the air they're spread out on a table before me where I can work them out at my leisure...and usually with some good advice from my readers.

However, this blog is also the one thing I have that is truly mine.  It serves as the place I go to talk about things that have absolutely nothing to do with my impending marriage and move.  Here is where you get to know me.  Here is where I can discuss things like recipes and books and my friends and my opinions and reactions to things happening around me.  Here is where I take my stand against what I consider the problems of the world.  Here is where I talk about the things I want, but know I may never have, or at least have to wait to get...the sacrifices I make for what is more important.  It helps to talk about those things.  Here is where my voice is heard not only as a daughter, sister, friend, fiancee, or student, but as a person:  a human being in my own right.  Sure, it is evident that parts of me belong to those I love, but I like to think that you can also find the sacred parts of me that belong only to myself.

Here I find love and compassion on a monumental scale.  This blog, all of you people, you restore my hope when it is failing.  In a world like ours it is easy to lose faith, but here I can remember that having faith is a part of who I am.  I do believe in the essential inner goodness of mankind.  I do believe that every piece of life has its purpose.  On certain dark days I owe my continued inner-optimism not only to my friends, family, and Kyle.  Sometimes I owe it entirely to you readers.

So thank you.  Thank you for opening your arms and taking me in when I needed a shelter.  Thank you for building me up and teaching me that it is okay to use my voice.  Thank you for simply being yourselves.  You guys will never really know how much you mean to me.  I wish more than anything that there was a way for me to meet you all face to face and give you the hug that you deserve so very much, especially those of you that have been with me since the beginning.

To get to the heart of things, I think that the true intrigue of the blog world is that it can be the polar opposite of networking sites like MySpace or facebook.  There is no need to photoshop your photos to make yourself look more attractive.  You don't have the pressure to spruce up your hobbies or interests lists to be "cool."  You're not trying to fit a mold.  Instead, here you can just let your real self shine, and eventually people with truly similar hearts stumble along and find you.  "Friend requests" here aren't just a button click away.  They're carefully generated bonds that began as just a few random comments.  And the way we are all brought together, the way we help each other...

That is absolutely beautiful.

34 comments:

  1. I couldn't agree more, and so eloquently put. I feel the same way, that my blog is MY space where I do and say (mostly) what I want. I try to be sensitive to my husband's feelings so sometimes I don't put everything I like, but not to the extent where it cramps my style. I totally get that it is the space where you say what goes. I grew up and Army brat and my high school boyfriend was a year ahead of me and joined the Army and was immediately stationed to Germany. That relationship didn't last forever, but I remember what it was like! I also had other long distance relationships and you don't always feel like you have control. So you are right, with all the demands of the world, relationships and constraints of life in general, our blogs are the one place where we can have FREEDOM. I like this post a lot and plan on highlighting it in my weekly favorites which I do on Saturdays!

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  2. Carrie, that is one of the most wonderful posts ever! Slowly but surely I'm finding out that it's true too :)

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  3. Very true, and well said! You have allowed us all to take a peek into your life, and even get caught up in it! I know your blog means a lot to so many people, myself included. Thank you for sharing :)

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  4. this was an amazing post... beautifully written. and i loved the last paragraph. people always ask me why i prefer blogger to facebook, and i could never really pinpoint why. but that's the exact reason.

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  5. Andi, thank you so much. Again, it's good to have people here that can relate to how I'm feeling with a little experience in the situation instead of empathy alone. :)

    Clandestiny, you have no idea how happy I am to hear that.

    Kess, your comments always warm my heart, but especially today. Thank you. :)

    Sarah, it took me a long time to realize that was the reason. But then I discovered that it feels so much easier to post here. I'm not worrying about how you guys react. On facebook I'm hyper-aware that people I interact with read what I type. Here, it's...liberating...to be able to just say it all. You guys don't have any preconcieved information about me, no outdated high school stereotypes, and that makes a huge difference. I don't have to explain away my feelings to seem strong. I can just feel them, you know?

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  6. I absolutly love this. It's exactly how I feel. You are such a wonderful writer.
    Whether you live in Canada or the US I'm sure the emotions that we as "military wives/fiances/ girlfriends" are very, very similar. I like reading your blog because that's not all you focus on, you have your own unique life and not just an "army wife life".
    You make me smile, have a wonderful day!

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  7. This is exactly how I feel as well....you are so good at putting feelings into words! I very talented writer!

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  8. Wonderfully put! Also, I love the new layout. It looks really nice. Especially the carrots.

    I feel the same way about my blog, except that I can't actually be totally me, because my family, friends, and co-workers from real life read it. So, when I am angry at them or frustrated with work, I don't really like to post about it. That was one of the reasons I stuck to posting happy things, because no one can get upset about a happy post. I don't think it's really about hiding parts of myself though, I think it's more about posting about different parts of my life - and not my entire life. It's still nice though.

    I'm glad that blogging has been such a good experience for you. I hope that "we" continue to support you and give you whatever you need to be the REAL Carrie.

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  9. TJayne, I'm glad you like it. :) And I agree, I think any woman in a relationship with a military man can share some experiences, no matter the location. And I'm glad you realize that I am more than that...I'm trying very hard to preserve what I can of myself. ;)

    Sara, thank you so much. That is a very high compliment coming from you. You have a pretty snazzy blog yourself.

    Kattrina, thanks for complimenting the layout! Those carrots took a lot more work than you'd think...

    I think your happy posts are brilliant. Life is so much sweeter when you focus on the happy parts. It's a great way to do that. :)

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  10. I love the way you write. It is so beautiful to be able to hear you express your feelings through writing. <3

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  11. i think you just wrote a love story about your blog. hehe. but i know exactly what you mean. thank you for sharing a piece of you with all of us. xoxo.

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  12. What a lovely post. It too has amazed me the kindness and lasting friendships that I have discovered in the blogging community!

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  13. i love this post and i can't agree with you more.

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  14. Great post, and quite right.

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  15. Carrie, so very beautifully put. I agree wholeheartedly with everything you expressed. And I count you as one of my dearest blog friends.

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  16. I'm very glad you feel that way. You hit the nail on the head. Wonderful sentiments, all true. I think all of us are very glad you're here as well. Thanks for posting.

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  17. I should also say that I think you've resonated with a lot of people when you say that this little typing field here is more than just a vent, it's a window on shared feelings. Feelings that might ordinarily be kept secret in conversation. It's an extraordinarily relieving release, isn't it?

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  18. Oh Carrie, that was so well said. I feel exactly the same way. through blogging, i found actually other people - like you - who are in the same situation as i am and have to deal with it too. You are a very strong person, and such an inspiration for me.

    I really hope it all works out for you in the future, and that you will keep on blogging for a long time :)

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  19. What a brilliant post!! Thanks for sharing your thoughts...

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  20. Mayra, well, you're right in a way. It kind of is a love story, just not the romantic kind. ;)

    Lyn, I both reciprocate the feeling and take that as a pretty high compliment. ;)

    Shophia, I have no intention of quitting this blog anytime soon. It's a wonderful experience that I wouldn't trade for anything. :)

    And thanks, everyone, for the support and beautiful comments. :)

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  21. How nice of you to share your feelings with us. I have asked myself why I enjoy blogging so much too and came up with some of the same reasons. Thanks!

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  23. People like you are one of the reasons why blogging is something more than just posting whatever comes to mind. As a 17-year-old girl, I get most of my inspiration from God, my family & friends, and of course, inspiring people such as yourself!
    Thank you so much for being an inspiration!
    God Bless!

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  24. Your post about blogging describes exactly how I feel too. It's someplace where I can let out all of my feelings and thoughts without worries. Especially with all I've been through, from being separated from my fiance, to not being able to tell our parents about our engagement right now, to having to leave school in the middle of the semester.

    And, I love all of the blogging friends I've made (so far)! It seems like I've met more people who are like myself through blogging than in real life. Having complete strangers understand how I feel better than my real-life friends truly lets me know that I'm not alone and that I'll never be alone.

    Keep it up. Your blog is an inspiration to all who read it :-)

    Lots of love and God Bless,
    Sarah

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  25. Surely, one of the most wonderful posts...love your blog madly..

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  26. I am happy that you have found such happiness from your blog don't loose it. II shared all myself on my old blog and then found out to many people I didn't feel comfortable were reading it. They were not reading it for the writing but to figure out things about me to use against me.

    I moved and I am enjoying the freedom again.

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  27. Thanks so much everyone. :) It always surprises me to be called an inspiration, and I always take it as the highest of compliments. Though I'm not sure what is so inspiring, I'm glad you take away something from this blog.

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  28. I couldn't agree more!!!! Great post! Keep them coming. :)

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  29. I like this post :) Where is your MADM little lady? I finally did one and I was looking forward to reading yours in the morning.

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  30. It's coming today! I started typing it last night, but I was literally falling asleep on my keyboard.

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  31. it is beautiful and so is this post :)

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