Thursday, November 5, 2009

Dear Kyle,

I miss you.  I miss everything about you.  I miss waking up next to you each morning.  I miss trying to find the pattern of your changing eye color.  I miss the way you smile at me when I'm being silly, the smile that means you're content, and the special smile that means you love me an extra-special amount.  (Did you know that each one was different?)  I miss having your hand pressed to my knee when I'm driving, and stroking your hair while you chauffeur me. 

I miss having you by my side when I'm out with friends.  I miss the way I'd sometimes catch your eye and know we were both thinking the same thing.  I miss the way you'd find little ways to let me know you were paying attention to me, too, when we were surrounded by others:  a quick kiss on the cheek, a squeeze of my hand, or a message whispered in my ear.

I miss you when I wake up at night.  Sometimes I even roll over, expecting to find you, and then remember that you're gone.  I dream about you often, and sometimes I don't want to wake up from those dreams.  My alarm sounds in the morning and jars me back into reality where, occasionally, I shed a few tears. 

I constantly remind myself that there are only eight short months (approximately) left of this separation.  I repeat it in my head like a mantra, hoping it will make me feel better.  Most of the time it works.  When it doesn't, I remember that the time we'll spend together outnumbers the time we're spending apart by far.  I think about the future.  I plan our wedding day.  I decide what things I'll be taking to Germany when I come to you.  Somehow, I make it through those tough days. 

I love you more than I ever have before, but not as much as I someday will, as unfathomable as that is to me.  But it has to be that way, I know, because a year ago I thought I loved you more than was possible, and yesterday I didn't think my heart could hold any more love.  I guess I was wrong both times, and I know someday I'll look back and laugh at how I feel now.

Eight months, love.  Eight more months.  We've come so very far when no one thought we would.  Look at us; we're showing them all.  :)

Now I'm going to go and do some homework (while I remind myself I'm doing it to make you proud), and then I'll do some housework (which I consider good practice for when we're married), and after that I'll go to sleep (with the hope that you will call me at 2:00am so that I can hear your voice). 

Yours forever and for always,
Carrie


PS -- You really are my hero.  You know that, right?

30 comments:

  1. OMG...I dont usually cry, but seriously Im crying..this was so beautiful, the love you share just poured through your words....just beautiful....what a wonderful gift you both share.

    peace

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  2. I was married to a soldier once so I know just how it feels. The nights were always the hardest for me. During the day I could keep too busy to dwell on it but at night all I could feel was this yawning void next to me in bed.

    It'll be ok though. He'll come home and it'll be the best thing ever!

    Just remember more than anything else that these experiences may change you both but just because things are different doesn't mean that they can't be just as great or even better.

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  3. Steven: Aww, I'm sorry. Making people cry wasn't the goal, but thanks for the lovely compliments. :) I'm glad the emotion could shine through.

    Clandestiny: I'll keep that in mind. Thanks. :)

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  4. Beautiful! I hope the next 8 months fly for y'all.

    Hang in there, hun!

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  5. oh wow. gorgeous. so, so gorgeous.

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  6. Stephanie and Meg, thanks guys. :]

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  7. Golly, that's...beautiful. Just beautiful, purely and simply. That's heartfelt sentiment that goes above and beyond anything I've ever encountered in any medium.

    Further words fail me. You'd better believe that happens rarely. Your love, it seems, appears to be the very best kind.

    Sincere.

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  8. you brought tears to my eyes. beautiful and sad.

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  9. Thank you. My fiance B and I haven't seen each other in eight months and have another 18 months before we will be able to see each other again. Your words express my thoughts, the things I wish I could tell B but we've promised not to right now. It's hard to keep busy enough not to miss him so much I can't breathe, and near impossible at night. It's hard, but somehow (and I hope you don't take this the wrong way), somehow slightly easier because I know there are other people going through the same thing. It's like a club. :)

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  10. Carrie this is very well written and beautiful.

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  11. Oh my goodness I can take this much emotion before 9am!

    Beautiful post. Too beautiful.

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  12. That's really lovely, Carrie :)

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  13. aw that was beautiful. you guys seem to have the love that you only read about and watch in movies. i hope the eight months fly by.

    and i like the new autumn theme.

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  14. That was precious Carrie. Your love truly is special. It's at night I miss my fiance the most too - all I can think about is how I'm sitting in this big cold bed all alone rather than curled up in his arms. And I look at my family and friends who are married and they sleep on opposite sides of the bed and I swear to myself that I will always sleep in his arms. Good luck and before you know it you'll be off to Germany (and if you're anything like me, you'll be packing the night before wondering where all the time went!).

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  15. Hi. I usually pass by your blog but have not really left any comment.

    I love your blog and the way you write so I've passed on an award to you. Check it out on my blog!

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  16. Kattrina: I've thought the same thing many times... I don't understand it. And even more, I look at the couples around me, and they're always fighting about things that don't matter in the least. Sometimes I just want to give them a good swift kick and say, "Be happy. You have each other."

    Rachael: That is a long separation. :( I'm so sorry. I hope it goes by quickly for you. Stay strong, girl. There are lots of us in this boat, I'm discovering. ;) It's funny that you used the word "club." I have a journal entry from ages ago where I called it the same thing...

    Avery: Thank you!!!! :)

    Courtney: Thanks. :) I thought it was about time for something fall themed. I already have my Christmas one picked out too. ;)

    Postman: "You'd better believe that happens rarely. Your love, it seems, appears to be the very best kind."

    I do believe that. I've saw far too many dysfunctional and hurting relationships that I don't take what Kyle and I have for granted even for a second. This love is a gift, and I treasure it above everything else. :)

    Thanks for the kind words.

    To everyone who said this was beautiful, thank you. :)

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  17. Oh Carrie. This made me cry - in a good way.

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  18. Iida, thanks. Coming from you, that's a very high comliment. :)

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  19. That was seriously so sweet! And probs one of the most beautiful things I've ever read. I really hope the next moths go fast for you. i know how hard it is when you're appart from your loved ones!

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  20. Carrie, this was such a beautiful and great letter. I hope that he gets to read this!

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  21. Kat: Thanks. :)

    Crazy Shenanigans: Oh, I think he did. ;) His city name pops up on the Live Traffic Feed from time to time, and he tells me he checks the blog whenever he can get online. I haven't really been able to talk to him much these past few days because we've both been super-busy, but I'm sure I'll get a response soon enough. :)

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  22. Thanks for the support. I really appreciate it. :)

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  23. Beautiful and pure. God Bless you both.

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  24. This is so touching. I know how hard it is to be away from your love. I hope the next 8 months go by quick!

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  25. Like every person above, I bawled.
    Probably because I feel the exact same way as you about Dustin..

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  26. Carrie - where is Kyle exactly? I'd like to know so I can add him to my thoughts and prayers.

    Eight months will be gone before you know it and he will be back in your loving arms. What a lucky guy!

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  27. Thanks, everyone. :)

    Zen Mama: He's in Mannheim, Germany.

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