Thursday, October 1, 2009
Breakfast the next morning felt like lead in my stomach. I was smiling and laughing on the outside, but inside I was screaming and pulling at my hair like a crazy person. I don't think I've ever had to use so much self-restraint. I wanted to drag him out to the car, tie him up, throw him in the trunk and head for Mexico as fast as possible. ...and yes, I knew it was a really bad plan. So I kept my mouth firmly shut like a good little Army fiancee and didn't complain too much. I didn't even cry my first tears of the day until we were on our way to the airport.
But that didn't come until quite a bit later. We passed the majority of the morning making the most of the time we had. We went to the Gateway Arch and took a ton of photos. :)
"Oh, it'll be alright," she said, and that was all it took. I was weeping. It would not be alright. My life was about to walk onto a plane without me. How could she say something like that. Of course it's not going to be alright. While I realize she was only trying to be nice, it wasn't the best thing to say at the moment.
I was on shaky ground from that point on, fluctuating between tears and smiles. We waited for an hour before he had to board the flight. We passed the time talking and flipping through photos. But after the last embrace and last hurried kiss, after one final "I love you," he was gone. I fell apart then. I stumbled back through the gates, fighting for each breath. It felt like drowning. My lungs couldn't take in enough air, and I was panicking. It took enormous effort to place on foot in front of the other. I had to constantly remind myself to keep moving, and at one point I remember thinking that I probably looked like I was planning to bomb the place...
Ranting topics include but are not limited to: life as an Army girlfriend