It's coming again, and I'm doing my best to fight off the anxiety and fear that are threatening to overwhelm me. Having been through one separation already, you would think that I would be prepared, calm.
Well I'm not.
In five days it will take every ounce of my courage and strength to watch him walk away again, and as soon as he's out of sight I'll lose it for a while. (Be prepared for a short hiatus after Monday. I'll be stuffing myself full of ice cream for a day or two.)
The hardest part will be reshaping my routine. I became comfortable with him being here. I shifted everything so that he was at the center of my life again. But now instead of leaving campus every day to go home and find him waiting, I'll be walking up to an empty dorm room. (At least until next month when I can move into my new apartment.) I'll be waking up each morning to find nothing but a pillow lying next to me. I'll have to start driving myself everywhere again. I'll have to remember where I put my keys on my own. I'll won't be content to just sit at home and curl up to watch a movie - I'll be constantly busy, constantly filling up my hours so that there's no time for tears.
I don't think this will ever get an easier.
I just wish I at least knew for certain when I'd see him again. There is no end point this time. When he leaves, it's without the reassurance of a dwindling countdown. It could be six months. It could be a year. Hopefully it will only be three months. (We're hoping I can fly over to see him on my Christmas break. Please, oh please, oh please...)
Sorry to rain on the happy parade, but I'm just starting to feel panicked again. :/
Just four and a half more years... The only way to make it out is to forge ahead.