You know, I think that's just about right. There isn't any way for me to plan anything. I don't have an option other than to take life a day at a time and not worry about the big choices that are going to come later...
But my instincts are to plan and to look at the bigger picture. I want so badly to weigh out my options and formulate a fool-proof plan to see me safely and happily through this, but I'm quickly realizing that this just isn't possible. There's no way of knowing what will be happening one, two, or three years down the road. I have no idea where Kyle will be, what he'll be doing, or if I'll be able to be there with him. So any "will I go?" decision making is pointless, especially since my presence hasn't even been formally requested yet. (Note the use of the word "formally." =/)
Accepting that he'll just have to jump when the Army gives the word, and that I'll have to adapt to it one way or another, is not an easy thing to do. Having things remain so uncertain is terrifying. I hate that I don't know when I'll get to hear his voice, and that I don't know when I'll see him again after this August. It's absolutely tearing me apart. But at the same time, it's more than worth it. Our love is strong enough to stitch the thousand pieces of my shattered self back together.
In the meantime, this site has helped me decipher all those crazy acronyms he throws into our rushed conversations. It also has some very moving and inspirational stories.
And, you know, "just in case," I've been doing some hard-core Germany/on-post living research. Among other things, I've discovered that there are some rather breath-taking castles. :)