I don't know how it happened, but sometime about half way through my first class today I got my "me" back. The ambition, the drive, the calm assurance, the faith in myself, the desire to succeed, the independence, the hope. It all came back in a rush and I was completely overwhelmed with happiness. I've missed me very much.
After that my day took a turn for the better. I was active and engaging in every class, sucking every last bit of knowledge and joy out of my day: I finshed scheduling my courses for next semester (a full load; two literature courses, anthropology, earth science, biology of aging, and public speaking [which I'm very nervous about]). I talked to strangers. I had conversations with my co-workers. I waved at people I only barely recognize from last semester. I made friends with a dog that was being walked around campus. One of my old professors shook my hand, said it was "good to see me again," and that he was looking forward to seeing me back next semester. I made plans for tomorrow and Saturday...but most of all, I started to smile again. And not in the fake, I'm-gonna-laugh-myself-out-of-this-stupor smile. I displayed a pure and simple, genuine and heartfelt smile that proudly declared how happy I am to be alive, and young, and and learning, and wonderfully in love with someone who loves me back. It was marvelous.
I know that may sound a bit cheesey. But that's fine with me. I don't mind in the least. It's honest, and that's what really counts.
I'm glad to be back. =D