Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Waiting So Patiently

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This is quite possibley the most tedious thing I've ever done in my life. He's leaving on March 24th. I both want that day to come and wish the few weeks I have left would stretch on forever. On one hand, the sooner he leaves the sooner he'll come back to me. On the other hand, it's going to be the longest six months of my life when he's gone.

The time that's unwinding between now and then is monotonous and steady. The repetition of school, Kyle, school and Kyle is only broken by events like Valentine's day, my ex-step-sis's birthday that's coming up, the job interview I had Monday (won't know how that went until later in the week)...It's the worst kind of torture, kind of like being told the time and date of your death, but leaving out how it's going to happen. There's nothing you can do to stop it. You do one of two things: Go about your business and hope for the best or lock yourself in and stop living sooner. I wish there was an option C...or that I could skip this weird middle phase and go straight to the strong and supportive girlfriend phase. Oh well. Guess I'll get there eventually.

2 comments:

  1. I can sense your angst Carrie. Have you ever heard the Bill Keane quote - "Yesterday's the past and tomorrow's the future. Today is a gift - which is why they call it the present."

    I suggest you live each day fully and wring every bit of joy of it; with Kyle, job hunting, school and family. Even though it may seem chaotic and confusing, the universe is unfolding as it should. Trust in it, and yourself.Try not to be waiting for something that may or may not happen. Sending you hugs.

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  2. Mmm...I wish it felt that easy right now. It's what I'm trying for. I just don't always manage to keep up the constant level of peace and acceptance that's required for trusting the universe to keep working its magic.

    Some days are just rougher than others. Thank you for the hugs. I appreciate them. =]

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