It's hard to say, really, how I am. That changes multiple times in each minute. One moment I am lauging but in the next something triggers what seems to be the never ending flood of tears.
It's after these moments that I wonder: "My God...What's happened to me?" I have come so far. I am hardly the same person I was only a few short months ago.
I was strong. Independant. I had "bigger" dreams, "bigger" goals. Some might say I had more potential.
I was going to New York. I was going to take a taxi each morning to a shining building, step out in fagile looking high heels, and spend each moment wisely: Writing. Networking. Proofing. Making phone calls. Doing everything I could to step closer and closer to the ultimate goal of publication.
"Won't you be lonely, scared in a city that size all by yourself?" It's what they all asked.
"Of course not!" It was always my reply. I had no doubts, and no other plan.
How different things are now! Now the thought of leaving for that far-off city leaves me shaking... Leave? How could I? Everything I know is here; everything I love. When it leaves, I will leave, and only then.
Now my dreams of independance have been shattered by dreams of marriage and motherhood. It's crazy. When I look at the drastic difference logically I can see that. How could the same person want both of these things? I don't know. I honestly don't. All I know is that I like myself much better now that I need someone other than me. I wouldn't go back for anything.